Category: I’m allergic to assholes

So my biggest annoyance this summer (besides coworkers that need to be in traction) is discovering the noise my phone makes when there is a weather emergency alert.

The second biggest annoyance is learning that that alert always tells me about storms that are skirting my house.

Well, until tonight.

Tonight the fucker told me about the storm after I almost died in it due to a bitchy blonde in daddy’s high performance automobile.

So that helped.

I feel like summer weather in the desert is the equivalent of being homeless and getting other people’s left overs for dinner during tourist season. It’s like you get a crazy ass summary of other place’s normal weather for about three months and then it’s back eating pigeons that baked in the sun too long.

Or something like that. I’m tired from unpacking so If I sound insane, blame that and not my insanity.

Updates to come about blood spattering my “den” area. I’ve decided this room is now the best form of home security. Nothing says “GET OUT OR ELSE” much like a room that looks like four people were just brutally murdered in it.

The rational part of my brain does keep questioning why I thought this was a good decorating idea, but then the crazy ass part of me walks back in that room and giggles like a child cause it was horrendously fun doing it.

I am realising now that no one may know what I’m talking about. Basically, we “Dexter”ed my spare living room area. Painted it a pristine white and then flung red paint around for an hour. All because Big A little a thought it might be a fun idea. And I concurred and was okay with living with it. I’ve been dying to do it for months, and now we finally did. I’ll try to post video of the room once I find my damn router.

I have nothing else useful to say because I’m too tired and I want to play with my kitties. Good night evil doers.



Please forgive the recent time lapse. I had every intention of posting about crazy fuckers on the bus but then I got sick and basically ceased to function. I’m actually currently on day 4 of having no voice, which is a damn shame because I really love to hear myself talk. I’d probably have it back already, but like the moron I am, I just continue to babble to people while my voice either decides to show up for the conversation or make me look like a fool.

My voice is an asshole.

And yes, I do realise that I had all the time in the world to post something when I came home sick on Friday or I while I was spending most of Sunday impersonating a rock, but I was told quite strictly to never post again while I was sick, because I’m not funny, just horribly pathetic. I’m not sure whether this is a compliment or an insult, so choose to agree at your own risk.

So meanwhile, I have no crazy people on the bus stories because the damn bus drivers are on strike (so much for being green huh? Wonderful), so now getting to work each day is an exciting adventure, where the hero (me) ends up just wanting to smash their face against a wall cause they are WAY TO FUCKING CONGESTED to deal with this shit.

I wish I could apparate to work. That would be awesome.

So, I swear, one day I’ll have something exciting to talk about. I’m going to California this weekend (to sit in a gym all day and basically take notes for a judge during our regional competition) so maybe that’ll boast some exciting interesting halfway acceptable stories for you.

Until then, my apologies.


PS, if I ever mention that you want me to elaborate on, feel free to say so. Apparently the things I find incredibly mundane in my life are the ones that people find most interesting sometimes

I fucking hate grocery stores.

Not just hate, but like FUCKING HATE.

I used to work in one if that helps with my homicidal anger over god damn grocery stores. (Which I should never mention at work ever again how they make me homicidal. I get enough weird looks already but that one might get me in trouble. I know my boss looked at me funny for about a week after that comment…)

So we’re grocery shopping, and for the most part it’s not too bad. Not so many dumb fucks flying around corners or parking their damn cart sideways across the aisle the second they see me entering the aisle and proceeding to pretend they don’t see me….in fact it was kinda fun. I ran around smacking into my dad’s cart insulting him when he pushed mine and generally scaring strangers. It was a good trip.

But my parents are checking out and their DUMB FUCK of a cashier is trying to scan one of their wine bottles, but it’s in a box and the box’s barcode won’t scan. The boy is completely perplexed. RAWR. Never mind the fact that he had just scanned an identical bottle of wine, but he didn’t have the common sense to think of scanning the one on the bottle inside the box by rotating the damn bottle. He looked at me in complete wonder when it worked and said “Do you work here?” (I thought he said “You should work here” but either way it makes him sound like a moron)…like only a magic cashier could figure out that maybe you’re scanning the wrong fucking barcode. REALLY?!?! Not rocket science asshole.

Now here are the dangers of working in a grocery store. Danger…it’s really only one.

You are surrounded by douchebags and asshats. It doesn’t matter if they are customers or coworkers they are bound to make you want to die inside.

No really, I don’t care how hard up for cash you are, if you are allergic to fucktards find a different job. For your own sake.

It was seriously the worst nine months spread out over a year of my life….yes you read that right, I was smart enough to quit and dumb enough to go back because I hate myself beyond all reason.

There’s absolutely no benefit in that job. Restaurants have food perks, retail has discount perks…grocery stores give you ten percent of generic items (because paying 36 cents instead of 40 for a jar of crap ass tomato sauce makes a huge difference. There’s a lot of disbenefits though. Shitty bosses….asshole customers that hate you but come into your line anyway because on some messed up level they hate themselves so they have to come to your line to rag on you to make them feel better about yourself (but you’re like a semester away from finishing the college education they could never hope to afford or be smart enough to get so fuck them)…

Deep breath…I’m okay.

I did enjoy parts of it. Like fucking over drunk ass college frat boys when they were making the last run of the night. I’d make sure they’d scan their munchies first so that by the time they scanned their alcohol it was past 2 and they were locked out. I always had such a hard time not laughing in their face everytime…Meanwhile I’d help the nice customers (yes, some existed and it was like a breath of fresh air) and make sure they knew to scan their alcohol first so that they were able to buy it. I’m evil but I like to think I was making things a little safer.

I really don’t have any good way to end this post but I think it’s for the best before I scream with memories that I have tried desperately to repress over the last three years (they’re enjoying their time chilling with high school memories…) so I’m just going to leave it with this wonderful sentiment:

For your own mental safety, just fucking order groceries online.