Hi, my name is Renee and I’m fucking psychotic

…Please tell me none of you said “Hi Renee” in that creepy happy zombie way they do in all anonymous meetings. Stuff gives me the willies….who the hell says willies anymore?…I do apparently…

Anyways, I’m a rather bizarre sort of person (which is what happens when you’re born and raised in the desert…120 degree heat must fry the brain). I work in law enforcement, more specifically in the field of forensics, and I think for my first entry here, I should set the record straight…or at least straighter…

(Side note: Apparently I LOVE ellipses…SEE?!)

So, Reasons why Real Forensics is nothing like CSI/NCIS/Bones/Other shows that ruin actual trials:

-Real crime labs turn the damn lights on…no really, otherwise you can’t see what you’re doing. What the hell is this blue filter crap? How do they see the minute details of their evidence, like staining or possible visible fingerprints, or hairs and fibers? Really, turn the light on for fuck’s sake. Damn

-Chain of custody!!!! Seriously, Bones drives me fucking crazy leaving evidence around like they do. Secure that shit and establish a chain, or I might cry.

-DNA is not some magical force that comes out of nowhere and secures a conviction. And no, clapping and saying “I believe in DNA” like it’s freaking Tinkerbell is not going to make that happen. Sorry.

I’m sure there are others, and I’ll probably get to them later but here’s the thing, I’m tired from a week of doing the stuff that they never show you on TV. I order supplies and deal with the tremendous amount of paperwork that comes with it (YIPEE!!! PAPERWORK!!!)…(although on the upside, I spend the government’s money, so that’s kinda fun). I change filters so that the fuming chambers work properly, and clean the powder room so that you don’t get fingerprint powder on you the second you walk in (cause that is seriously annoying). I make chemicals that will probably give me cancer later on in life, but I guess the upside there is that I guess I’ll know what caused it. I also take out the trash.

What I’m trying to say is that forensics isn’t as glamorous as it is on TV, but the work is fun and rather satisfying in the end. I love what I do, end of story.

 Except not really, because this would be a terrible blog if I just ended it here. I have plenty of stories to tell and not all of them about work. My family is insane, so that should keep me occupied for awhile.

 Stick around, it should be fun.